I enjoy buffets. I went to the Peking buffet five days a week during a summer school session in college. You’re not supposed to take food home from buffets. Silly rule. Buffets are all-you-can-eat (as Homer Simpson proved), so the wait staff shouldn’t look at you like your homeless when you shovel a few (twelve) hunks of Seasame Chicken into your back pack for later. My mom likes bringing home bonus biscuits or cookies from buffets. Why not?
My dad loves buffets, especially brunch. He’d be happy eating Eggs Benedict and Monte Cristo sandwiches every day for the rest of his life. Did I mention high cholesterol runs in the family?
(Olympic updates. Evgeni Plushenko has been given his own reality T.V show: The Biggest (Sore) Loser. This afternoon he made himself a new medal made of chocolate and peanut butter; Evan Lysacek ate it. NBC, in partnership with the Olympic Committee, has created a new event that will air on Monday: Ultimate Fighting: Lindsay Vonn vs. Julia Mancuso.)
Buffets: They’ve been made void by The Portion Plate Diet. Why pay $22 for a seafood buffet if you’re only going to eat one plate. You could fast and double up, but eating just two plates at the buffet is so pre-U.S obesity days. Imagine if everyone went to the portion plate. Buffets would go out of business. So would Olive Garden, which is a glorified buffet. Imagine trying to fit an Olive Garden portion on your portion plate. Like trying to keep a dog in a bathtub.
My dad’s considering The Portion Plate Diet. Three problems. The plate he got is more like a portion tray. It’s got like six sections. Four of those a day and he’ll look like Jabba. I call this plate “Big Red.”
Second, his plate is well-suited to buffets. Finally, he’s yet to weigh in. “I forgot to get one at Walmart.” I think he’s just messing with me.
Still on my island here, looking for PlateWagon members…
Had another tough day today, as I (unexpectedly) found myself at a $200 a head Gala with Chicken Cordon Blue Balls with cheese dips. Didn’t have my plate…..a.k.a. — Binge! More to come….
Up next: “The Gala.”
You obviously don’t understand BUFFETS. You go in for breakfast, bring your computer, work all day and leave after dinner. 3 meals for the price of 1.
Tony K. originated this theme with Redskins Bandwagon
How about those Canadian Hockey Girls – Booze on the Ice! DQ them and give Gold to USA!
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“We no longer see a role for Tiger in our marketing efforts and have ended our relationship,” a Gatorade spokeswoman said. ”
Where do drinks go on the portion plate?
When it’s your turn to tip, keep the following suggestions from the experts in mind.
Buffet Servers – Suggested Tip: None
You do all the work
Bloggers – Suggested Tip: None
They don’t do real work
EarthFare Checkers – Suggested Tip: 2% of Total Bill!!
Gas Attendants — Suggested Tip: None
Anyone seen a gas station attendent?
Shampoo Person — Suggested Tip: $2
I don’t get shampoos
Doorman — Suggested Tip: $1 per Bag
Only if you live in Asheville and have a doorman
Skycaps — Suggested Tip: $1 Per Bag
If they can get it through the X-ray
Coffee Shops — Suggested Tip: None
Is EarthFare a coffee shop?
Bartenders — Suggested Tip: 15-20% of Tab
Does EarthFare serve booze?
Restaurant Servers — Suggested Tip: 15% of Bill
Except EarthFare cooks
Pizza Delivery — Suggested Tip: 10% of Pretax Bill
Does EarthFare deliver?